Copyright © Chunky Nimfot 2000-2006. All Rights Reserved.
Here are some of the lyrics that have currently been transcribed by the people that really know. More are planned for the future. I can't say when because there's some really good stuff on the telly at the moment and, well, I need to go to the toilet. You know. I'm not a balloon! Get off my back!
Relax. Everything has now been rectified.
...............ha ha, you're not getting the lyrics that easily. Listen to the track on the sounds page and have a guess.
Answers on an email to us, the best suggestions get a fresh dressing and a public airing. The worst get a dressing down and a public beating from Dr Pippin.
two spooky peanuts sitting there,
they just appeared out of thin air,
they've got no legs, chest, arms, or hair,
but they taste quite nice
two spooky peanuts went for a walk,
they wore a disguise with the smell
of fresh pork,
they were wearing see-through anoraks,
and they never
came back
spooky peanuts where did you go?
was it hemel hempstead?
i could have
given you a lift,
or a staircase,
but they're both so expensive
two spooky peanuts found the next day,
their see-through clothes had been
nibbled away,
by two spooky squirrels they met on the way,
and they
never came back
two spooky peanuts salted and dry,
kidnapped a sausage and made it cry,
then they put it on a stick until it died,
and gave it out at parties
spooky peanuts oo-ee-oo-ee-oo,
how did you get so spooky?
your
spectral antics freak them out,
from john o'groats to newquay
two spooky peanuts in a spooky fight,
with a crisp that was winning
because of it's height,
but they cheated in the end and set it's packet
alight,
and it never grew back
two spooky peanuts alone in the dark,
trying to find a place for their
motorcar to park,
but they crashed and got arrested by a policeman called
mark,
who owns a pet cat
spooky peanuts not like crisps,
'cos they are flat and crunchy,
put
them in your mouth and chew,
yum yum munchy munchy
spooky peanuts don't you think,
james dean would've liked your flavour?
perhaps it's true, most people do,
but i think he would have preferred
some driving lessons instead....
Let me tell a little story 'bout this spooky peanut thing
They were born in the ghetto but they knew how to sing.
They formed a spooky gang and hung around in a packet,
bred on drugs and oppression but they didn't want to hack it.
They spooky peanut gang had an urban war
with the ready salted crisp boys who lived next door.
They phoned up the crisps and invited them round
then they took them to the park and gunned the motherf*ckers down!
Spooky Peanuts
Spooky Peanuts, here we go
Spooky Peanuts
Spooky Peanuts, here we go
I'll tell you something else this rap is rather rude
Its really not my thang to be especially crude
A song about peanuts I think should be jolly
if you're gonna swear, i think you're a Wally
Spooky peanut terror will bring you pain and death
If you eat these guys they'll give you bad breath.
Don't mess with peanuts round this part of town
They'll slash your face and nick your dressing gown
Spooky Peanut
Spooky Peanut, here we go
Spooky Peanut
Spooky Peanut, here we go
Well I was walking down the street just the other day
And these two spooky peanuts cam a strolling and did say
"We're harder than the rozzers and the SAS,
and you'd better not ignore us or there could be a mess"
Then they went off to the park to terrorise some kids
and they vandalised a roundabout that's what they did
then a kiddy came along to have a play on the ride
and the spooky peanuts sh*t when he fell off the side
Spooky Peanuts
Spooky Peanuts, here we go, where are we going?
Spooky Peanuts
Spooky Peanuts, here we go
Oooeeoooeeeeooo, John O'Groats, Hemel Hempstead, how did they get so spooky?
Arms legs chest hair...none of them
Cindy Crawford,
Super model,
Her skin is perfect,
And her bum
doesn't wobble,
The best looking girl in the human race,
But she's still
got a stupid great mole on her face
Uurrrrgh
Uurrrrgh
Lemmy lemmy,
From motorhead,
Music so loud it'll kill you dead,
He can sing a song,
And play the bass,
But he's still got a
stupid great mole on his face
Uurrrrgh
Uurrrrgh
Madonna ciccone,
Madonna ciccone,
Not as good an actress as Sharon Stone-e,
She can prance and dance,
All over the place,
But she's
still got a stupid great mole on her face
Uurrrrgh
Uurrrrgh
You are an arse sir.
I am an arse?
Yes you're an arse.
An arse I'm not.
You are an arse, sir.
I'm not an arse.
Who is the arse here?
It's not me.
Ride the fish bus to the bottom of the
ocean.
Don't forget your magic underwater breathing potion.
Boy oh boy do I like fish paste.
And bring some flowers for your mum.
Do your waistcoat up.
Big dogs, small dogs and round things too.
Lunar lander panda called Amanda from Rwanda,
- uses long mops to knock the helmets off cops.
Commander Salamander and his 'Black and Decker' ™ sander,
- got beaten up cos he looked abnormal.
Give it all up and jump off a bridge,
If your butter doesn't spread straight from the fridge.
Hast du die schallplatter von Genesis gehort?
Ja, mit senf und grune Hose.
Do your waistcoat up.
Big dogs, small dogs, what's that smell?
Zob-a-dob, etc.
James Bond - he owns a non-stick frying
pan.
James Bond - he doesn't like cheese flan.
I said cheese flan.
Oo, yeah baby.
James Bond - he likes his Martini shaken not stirred.
James Bond - he likes a bit of fit foreign bird.
I said fit foreign bird.
Oo, yeah baby.
So by way of summary - that's no cheese flan thank you very
much, but double portions of fit foreign bird for our man in the forest - James
Bond!
The girl with the squint is making eyes at me.
She put grit in my porridge.
She blu-tacked my mate to the fence down the road.
I think she loves me.
Oo, oo, let me drink my milk without being molested.
Go away - I've got a headache.
The girl with the monkey said come and play with me.
I've just brought a tambourine.
She went to the airport and stood on her head.
I think she loves me.
Oo, oo, I'm trying to read a book.
Go away - the fish needs a cuddle.
The girl with the hinge is turning blue again.
I've got some worms in a cup.
An old man is laughing at a cardboard kangaroo.
I think she loves me.
Oo, oo, some b*stard's nicked my Araldite.
Go away - the hoover's been sick. (Oh, what a mess!)
Oo, oo, can't you stop that bl**dy gate from banging?
Oo, oo, sixty five not out - I'm not
ready yet! Oh b*ll*cks.
Let's go out and be really bad.
Burp at a vicar - make him mad.
Toot your horn in an urban area,
shave a hairy man until he's a lot less hairier.
Feed Mars Bars to the lions down the zoo,
run from the pigs if they run after you.
But don't get caught.
Run from the pigs!
Run from the pigs!
Run like hell from their scary girly wigs.
Run from the pigs!
Run from the pigs!
'Cos they'll whop you with a truncheon.
Let's go out and be even worse,
use a like like 'c**t' in the middle of a verse.
T**t the poor, the weak and the defenceless,
kidnap a nun - b****r her senseless.
Smear your blood all over the place,
stick your chewing gum to the bus driver's face.
And don't get caught.
Run from the pigs!
Run from the pigs!
Slip on your **** as they pelt you with figs.
Run from the pigs!
Run from the pigs!
Or they'll stick you in the slammer.
Sinister ferret. Sinister ferret. Sinister, sinister, sinister
ferret.
Watch out for the sinister ferret. Sinister, sinister, sinister,
sinister!
Let's go wild with atomic devices,
cream our pants in a nuclear crisis.
Fire big rockets at postmans' heads,
spit on babies, in their beds.
Wow the girls with your hot bitching tank,
then go home and have a bloody good ****.
But don't get caught!
Run from the pigs!
Run from the pigs!
Run from the cows flying in their Russian migs.
Run from the pigs!
Run from the pigs!
Because
they'll **** you up the a**e.
We're on a death train to Nuneaton,
there's a murderer here and he says he's going to kill us.
He's got a big gun and he knows what to do.
So come along with us and he'll kill you too.
We're on a death train to Nuneaton,
there's a terrorist here and he wants to cause a rumpus.
He's got a big bomb and it's set to blow.
Our bodies will be macerated - oh oh.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your senior conductor
speaking. Tonight's train will call at Death, Death, Death,
Death, Death , Death, Death and Nuneaton. Change at Murder for
Death and yes - the buffet car is closed. Thank you.
We're on a death train to Nuneaton,
there's an arsonist here and he's playing with his matches.
We've told him more than once that we don't want to die.
But I don't think he's listening because the train is on fire.
It's a death train. It's a ????? day out.
Our imminent demise is in no doubt.
We're all fairly miffed. I must admit.
But there's nothing you can do except laugh like a tit.
It's a death train to Nuneaton.
We want to change at Coventry.
But we're not going to make it.
The trip's been spoiled, 'cos we're gonna be killed.
I think I'll take the bus
next time.
One, two...
Devious dad - he knows all the scams.
He can get pork chops out of new born lambs.
Watch your legs, 'cos he'll have them too,
and glue them to the earlobes of Danny La Rue.
Devious dad - he can duck and dive,
but never at school 'cos he likes to skive.
He runs fast and he breaks the law,
until he broke his legs and he can't no more.
Little plant, on the table, don't forget to water it.
One two...
Devious dad - he stole my bike.
He cycled to the local Spud-u-Like.
Spuds were off so he a threw a strop.
He held his breath 'till his bum went pop.
Devious dad - he's a right card.
He's known as Mr. Dealer by the blokes from Scotland Yard.
He can sing a song and play the bass,
but he's still got a stupid mole on his face.
Little plant, on the table, don't forget to water it.
One two...
- I've finished.
Oh sorry.
Let's go down to the park.
To the park!
To the park!
And throw some bread to the ducks.
To the ducks!
To the ducks!
But don't throw them lumps of lead.
Lumps of lead!
Lumps of lead!
Because it'll kill them.
Yeah!
Quack! Quack! Quack!
Quack! Splash! Bang!
Let's go down to the scrapyard.
To the scrapyard!
To the scrapyard!
And get some old car doors.
Old car doors!
Old car doors!
Then go back to the park.
To the park!
To the park!
And throw them at the kids on the swings.
Yeah!
Quack! Quack! Quack!
(The sound of
an angry elephant)
They call him Mr Shit
Tell me why is it
That they call him Mr Shit
It's because he likes to shit
The fabled Mr Shit
Once did it on the carpet
His mum issued a writ,
And buried him in a pit
The clever Mr Shit
Dug his way out of it
And drove to Lincoln market
Where he bought a new sports kit
The sporty Mr Shit,
Is now extremely fit
He can outrun Steve Ovett
And he's proud of it
(men join in)
The breathless Mr Dung
Was missing half a lung
It was nicked by Mao Tse Tung,
Who's empire was far flung
His brother Mr Cack
Was tied to a torture rack.
The bastards broke his back,
He had to sell his big rucksack.
(ladies join it)
His penpal Monsieur Merde
Was always running scared
Of a large voracious herd,
But no-one really cared.
The dirty Mrs Clag
Found something in her bag.
It was a lighted fag
Which burnt down the Reichstag.
(Opera singers join in)
But back to Mr Shit.
As if we'd forget about it.
This story lacks some wit,
cos it had to rhyme with shit.
They call him Mr Shit
Tell me why is it
That they call him Mr Shit
It's because he likes to shit!
(a small polite gathering ensues with tea and cakes)
Panda, oh my dearest Panda
I'll have a packet of crisps and a
4 litre bottle of lemonade
as you sit there on the veranda.
Panda Panda, you are so nice
But I wish you didn't have pubic lice.
Panda Panda my furry friend there
Let's go out on a rat-arsed bender.
Oh baboon, my dear baboon
I am over the moon
and I'll spoon you into a pantaloon
Cos you're so good with your fake fur hood.
And your sore bot,
you make me so hot.
I think you're better than the lot.
We could get criminal, but I think not.
(fatal solo)
Whales, oh you big sperm whales
You're much bigger than garden snails.
But that's not saying an awful lot
Cos snails are small and you are not.
You make toothpaste and lipsticks too.
There's lots for me and there's lots for you.
Whales, I have got the notion
That you are big and in the ocean.
Penguin, oh my dearest penguin
How I'll miss you when you're gone.
Not that you're endangered yet
Just wait until I get my hands on you!!
(sinister giggling to end)
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Copyright © Chunky Nimfot 2000-2006. All Rights Reserved. |
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